The Mi-Go and Albert

There's a famous place called Yuggoth
Not noted for fresh air and fun
And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son.

T'were a right fine day they'd chosen
T'were minus 600 in't shade.
But Mr Ramsbottom were chuffed:
"We've come in through gate and not paid!"

"By gum" said Mrs Ramsbottom
"Do you think that we've come to right place?
"They said Blackpool in winter were chilly,
"But Albert's got ice on his face!"

Now Albert were an adventurous lad
And by now he was totally lost
But rounding a snow-covered hummock
Found a fly with wings five foot across.

Now Albert had heard about flies,
How they was fiddling and small,
And finding one ten foot across
Well it didn't seem right at all.

So Albert strode up to the creature
And without hesitation or fear
Took his stick with his 'orses 'ead 'andle
And stuck it in strange creature's ear.

You could see that Mi Go didn't like it -
Not used to being stuck in the ear
Grabbed the lad firmly twixt t'pincers
And dropped him from two miles in't air.

"I knew we shouldn't take directions
"From bulging eye'd men by the sea
"But at least" said Mr Ramsbottom
"There's strawberry jam for tea!"

Simon Harrison (1967-)

© Simon Harrison, 1988